Posted by
Bob K. on Tuesday, October 14, 2008 2:24:42 PM
Some predictions (mixed with a bit of satire) to review periodically over the next four years (assuming an Obama presidency):
- Within 30 days of inauguration, a massive troop withdraw will be announced for Iraq. He promised to end this war and I believe him- regardless of the consequences. Some support troops will be sent to Afghanistan, but will only stay long enough to support the forthcoming Afghan troop-withdraw. By June 2009, the US will no longer have a military presence in the Middle East.
- Combat troops will be offered an early discharge with severance. 40% of soldiers will take the money, 3% of Marines.
- Even as the economy stabilizes and money begins flowing freely again, cries of "more needs to be done" will be bellowed from the halls of Congress. Some will suggest that the campaign-promised tax credits cannot be realized, and in fact, a tax increase will be required to "get America moving again". Bush will be blamed. Joe Biden will rant for patriotic tax contributions by all and Nancy and Harry will propose a tax hike on individuals earning more that $50k- and families earning more than $100k per year. Obama will further endear himself to the masses by proclaiming that the needed revenue can be offset by massive military-spending cuts. He'll argue that with our forces again in the Motherland- I mean, back home again- and no threat of war on the horizon as long as he is in office, we can effectively eliminate all military spending outside of payroll for at least the next two years.
- Michelle will be charged with re-vamping the failing public education system. Working closely with the NEA and Democratic Governors across the nation, a new standardized K-12 curriculum will be established. The school calendar will be revised to allow for year-round classes with vacations allowed of up to one week, twice during any calendar year. Teachers will be paid on a student achievement basis- some dollar amount for each student that successfully progresses to the next grade level. To insure fairness, the teacher will be required to give his or her "word" that the student did, in fact, learn and retain course material. Testing will be graded on a sliding scale based on zip-code. A new student volunteer requirement will be enacted with GOTV as the emphasis. This will be overseen by a new cabinet-level committee, the Volunteers Organized by Teachers/Educators for Democracy, or VOTE Dem, headed by Maude Hurd. Home-schooling will be ruled unlawful as parents are deemed unfit to educate their children. Private schools will be heavily taxed.
- The Charles Schumer Justice Department will commission an army of Special Prosecutors to investigate everything from Charlie Rangel's republican (unbeknownst to him, of course) accountant's fraud and false reporting, to how the Bush Administration and Karl Rove (specifically) managed to hide the WMD's in Iraq. It will eventually be determined that the WMD's had been moved in the first days of the Bush Presidency to the basement levels of the World Trade Center, exacerbating what was merely a "message" by some radical Middle Eastern Right-Wingers, who never intended to inflict so much damage. George Bush will be blamed.
- Billed as a way to be environmentally responsible, the NYT and WaPo print media will voluntarily cease print publications, instead "merging" with PBS to form the "New Media." The House Appropriations Committee will be extolled for this innovative thinking, and the "new era of American journalism." Publically-funded efforts to silence conservative radio voices will ensue.
- A major play to legitimize the United Nations will begin behind closed doors, and eventually be revealed as a beacon to fledgling rogue nations across the globe. Sudan will lead the effort to eliminate hunger, and Hezbollah will head the new "Global Icing Awareness Cooperative."
- The first major foreign policy shift will be the lifting of all sanctions on Cuba. Hollywood will once again flock to Havana and Lucy will marry Ricky in sit-com after sit-com. Cubans will still be forced to remain on the island.
- Joe Biden will begin the process of repairing our good name throughout the world. He will be commended by the state-run media for his efforts to regain the trust of the French, increase our imports from Spain, and pledge all of the coal the Dutch could want to power their windmills. Time Magazine will name him "Man of the Year" for 2010, and he will acknowledge the award with an acceptance speech once given by Sean Penn for his role in Mystic River.
- Obama will sign "Present" to no less than two-dozen deficit-spending initiatives during his first year in office, while attending more than three-dozen Hollywood fund-raisers. He will begin campaigning for re-election in 2012- May 1st of 2009. His main focus will be national health care, which he will be unable to institute in its campaign-promised form due to budgetary restraints. His new plan will call for the cooperation of Canadian clinics to see American patients thereby keeping costs for new facilities in the states to a minimum. Lines will begin forming in North Dakota.
- The next terrorist attack will be orchestrated from Mosul, Iraq and hit multiple communities across America. George Bush will be blamed.